Restaurant review, The River Café, Hereford.

When another, local critic visited the River Café near Hay last year, he ventured the view on leaving that the food was ‘disgusting’.  His remark was apparently in jest (although it did nothing for the stress levels of the chef) for when his review appeared he scored the restaurant four stars out of five.

There is plenty to be said for under-promising and over-delivering, which is what I suspect that critic was doing. Much better than vice versa, certainly. You can imagine the delight and relief in the kitchen when the review finally appeared – not least because they've framed the page and put it on a wall here. The difference with my visit is that if asked, I would lie and say it was great, even though it wasn't. I can't bear the awkwardness. "Disgusting" would have been stretching it; but "mediocre" would have been about right – at least where the food is concerned.

A bunch of us have come, one of those delegations from London via the annual book festival, which is such a mixed blessing to locals. It was like monsoon season this year, which made the festival feel like a soggy obstacle course, and put the lovely balcony on the River Wye at this restaurant out of bounds and comfort. Never mind: inside, you see, is snug. It has a clinical kindergarten feel, with big tables and white walls, open brickwork, and a blackboard on wheels which serves as the menu, possibly because printing all those sheets of paper would be an affront to the Welsh worldview.

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